In this article:
Physical triggers
Psychological triggers

Not so merry

It's crazy enough these days without the added stresses of the season. Let our family columnist help you fend off the holiday blues.

Merry Christmas! Joyful Kwanzaa! Happy Hanukkah! It's pretty obvious that no matter how different these holidays are, the way you're supposed to deal with each one is the same: Celebrate, feel great, and share good cheer with family and friends.

For many, however, mustering up that happy holiday feeling is more a pressure than a pleasure. Instead of visions of sugarplums, visions of stress and despair dance in their heads. And as if those mental and emotional lows weren't enough, a bad case of the holiday blues even can manifest itself physically: Headaches, insomnia, nausea and anxiety are common.

While it may seem unthinkable to those who are so easily caught up in the spirit of the season, those bummed-out feelings are actually pretty normal. According to Paul J. Rosch, president of the American Institute of Stress in Yonkers, N.Y., the most common blues generators are:

• Financial -- becoming a debt-head because of an emotional need to express love through gift-giving.
• Physical -- too much drinking, eating and partying leaves you tired and overweight.
• Psychological -- loneliness, family tensions, general anxiety, and feeling crunched for time.

Sound familiar? Here are some ideas to bust your way out of the blues:

First, identify your problem. The best way to pinpoint the basis of your blues is to share your feelings with someone you trust, mental health professionals say. That allows you to get an opinion, organize your thoughts and understand your situation, which may lead to figuring out a solution.

If your trigger is financial, you're in good company. Studies show that over 70% of Americans get into heavy-duty credit card debt from overspending during the holidays. Try to create a written plan for spending and gift-giving a month ahead, with established spending limits for each person. Use cash, and watch for sales (if early holiday sales are sluggish, huge discounts usually crop up around the second week of December). If you're financially strapped, talk to those you normally exchange gifts with and suggest a price limit. Choosing Secret Santas (picking a name out of a hat to buy a gift for) is another idea.

If you have kids, let them know they can choose only one of the latest toys and games. If it's very expensive, get other family members to pitch in on that single great gift instead of several not-so-appreciated ones.

Go to top

If your trigger is physical and you're feeling the stress of too many parties, too little sleep and added inches from too much indulging, don't wait till Jan. 2 to do something about it. It's OK to say no to a party or two, or to show up just long enough to wish friends a happy holiday, then go home for a good night's sleep. Eat regular, healthful meals, especially before a party. Don't fill your plate more than once, eat slowly -- it takes time for the body to tell the brain it's full -- and mingle instead of hovering by the table. Limit yourself to one drink (or, if you're driving, none). Alcohol has lots of calories -- and enough of it can make you forget to watch what you eat.

Finally, find time to exercise. It's a great stress reliever and mood lifter, and it can help you keep the pounds off. Don't add it to your list of holiday chores; add it to your gift list and think of it as one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Just 30 minutes a day really can make a difference.

Go to top

If your trigger is psychological, try these techniques to relieve stress: Breathe deeply from your diaphragm while picturing a serene scene, take a whiff of a soothing scent such as eucalyptus or lavender, or massage the palm of one hand with the thumb of the other, especially the area between the thumb and forefinger.

Dreading the family scene? Don't feel obligated to show up if it's truly distressful for you. But do send a nice note letting your family know they'll be in your thoughts.

Lonely? Consider volunteering. You'll feel good about helping those worse off than yourself and meet new friends.

If your blues linger more than two weeks past the holidays, and you have feelings of distress and hopelessness every day as well as a loss of interest in activities you normally love, you may be clinically depressed. Talk to your doctor about it, or contact a crisis intervention or mental health organization near you.

When all is said and done, life is the most precious gift of all. Reach out and keep yours healthy.

Write: USA WEEKEND's RelationTips, 1275 First Ave., P.O. Box 265, New York, N.Y. 10021. E-mail: relationtips@usaweekend.com.