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Issue Date: Dec. 9, 2001
My husband and I have been married for several years, and the marriage is really good except for one minor thing: He never buys cards or gifts for holidays, my birthday or our anniversary. I have hinted to him several times how nice it would be to have something to commemorate these occasions. He sighs and says: "Fine. Go pick something up, give me the receipt, and I'll reimburse you." That just doesn't feel right (especially when I put so much effort into his gifts). Am I being materialistic or oversensitive?
S.V., Florida
Feeling frustrated doesn't mean you're greedy or hypersensitive. It just means you're human. Despite how great your marriage is, this issue can leave you feeling unappreciated. Here's the deal: If you want your husband to start celebrating important occasions, don't get angry -- get direct. Tell him that you're very happy in your marriage but that you miss the special feeling that comes from getting a gift from a loved one.
People like your husband who don't get caught up in the excitement of a birthday or holiday are usually practical, pragmatic types who respond better to facts than hints. If you sit down with him and explain how much it would mean to you if he'd pick out something for you on his own, I bet he'd give it a try. (Make his first gift-giving ventures a little easier by providing a catalog with all your favorites circled, sizes included. Ask him to make a choice and surprise you. Knowing he can't miss will take the pressure off.) Meanwhile, ease up on giving him gifts until things change, especially if the act leaves you feeling more resentment than joy.
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