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Issue Date: December 23, 2001
This year's party protocol: Celebrate -- with sensitivity
Even in the best of times, the holiday party scene can be a little daunting. Whether you're hosting or attending, the socializing season is rife with inner Scrooge-builders; weight gain, sleep loss, party planning and finding the right outfit can wear you out.
However, these are not the best of times, or even normal ones. With the holiday season occurring so soon after Sept. 11 and during a time of war, Americans are faced with a whole new level of festivity anxiety. People may be wondering: How should I behave? Can I crack a joke or express sadness? Is it even appropriate to party?
I presented that last question to several mental and emotional health experts, and the answer was unanimous: Party on, but center the celebration on the things that matter. Psychologist Mary McLaughlin, president of Emotional Education Services in Syracuse, N.Y., believes this holiday season should be a time to re-examine perspective, purpose and priorities.
"Celebrate not only your life and the lives of the loved ones around you," she says, but also "celebrate the value of the freedom to celebrate according to our individual beliefs."
According to Randi Mozenter, a clinical psychologist on staff at Barnes-Jewish Hospital in St. Louis, it's not only OK to celebrate, it's actually good to discuss your feelings, experiences and safety concerns with others -- as long as it's kept in check.
"Sharing these feelings with others can be a good way to help calm personal fears," she says. "However, it's important to remember where you are and allow yourself to get caught up in the spirit of the party."
Despite a consensus that celebrating the season is OK, there are those who still feel apprehensive about reveling. Such guilt is normal but can and should be overcome, says Robert Billingham, associate professor of human development at Indiana University in Bloomington. "Tell yourself: Feeling bad over something you did not cause will not change things back to the way they were." Allowing yourself to have some fun can help lift spirits, which seems especially important this year.
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Is it OK to party?
If you're throwing a holiday party -- or accepting an invitation to one -- here are a few things to keep in mind:
Be sensitive with small talk. It's OK to discuss your personal experiences and feelings about Sept. 11, but don't force the issue if others aren't like-minded. If things get too heavy, shift the conversation to a lighter topic. ("You know what makes me feel better? Let me tell you about this great new CD I just bought.") Just don't do so with politically incorrect jokes, especially in an unfamiliar group.
Watch the drinking. People who already are anxious or sad tend to drink more when the liquor is flowing; they may embarrass themselves or other guests if they become inebriated. Those who become aggressive when drinking may be even more hostile about sensitive subjects. Keep lots of non-alcoholic drinks on hand -- and in hand.
Ostentatiousness is out. Ditch the elaborate decorations and pricey party favors. Red, white and blue is the theme of choice for party-goers, and givers, this year.
Make it meaningful. Parties with a "giving back" theme are in. Asking guests to bring a new, unwrapped toy for the Salvation Army is not only trendy -- it's a guilt-buster.
Word invitations carefully. If guests know the reason for the seasonal bash is appreciation, not materialism, they'll feel better about attending.
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