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Raising good children

We're living at a time when issues of character and integrity have achieved a new level of importance, especially given what's happened in our national political theater. I've noticed a shift in people's attitudes. They don't just want to raise happy kids; they want to raise good kids. The new book "Right From Wrong: Instilling a Sense of Integrity in Your Child", by Michael Riera and Joseph Di Prisco (Perseus Publishing, $25), couldn't be more timely.

Riera, a psychologist and educator who is a tremendous resource in the field of adolescence, says that teaching kids to live with integrity helps them turn up the volume on their instincts. As the book explains, integrity is "the unfailing compass within that always gives [children] a true reading north." I believe that if we live with integrity, we feel comfortable in ourselves. We hear that inner voice that guides us to make better choices. We are not so conflicted, guilty, anxious, defensive or distracted by shame.

It's important to distinguish between that inner voice of instinct and the kind of arousal our culture glorifies, the idea that whatever gratifies us in the moment is good. Yes, those things feel good, and they're fun, but they're not what's good. What's good is that little voice inside you that says: "Hey, stop! That's not right." Happiness is not just about feeling good all the time. It's about being whole. Hopefully, this connection with our genuine selves will lead us to accept reality on reality's terms. It's a much more mature sense of well-being.

The book gives some very practical advice on how to communicate our values, to support and empower our kids to live lives of integrity. When you do that, they'll listen to their instincts. And I believe that ultimately they'll be better and happier for it.

Contributing Editor Drew Pinsky, M.D., is co-host of radio's syndicated "Loveline".