Issue Date: December 8, 2002
RelationTips
By Dennie Hughes
My boyfriend and I are in our 20s, and we've been dating for a year. Everything was great until recently, when a friend of his got him involved in a religious group that preaches no sex before marriage. That basically ended our sex life. I love him, but I'm not happy about remaining in a sexless relationship. He's a great guy in every other way. What should I do?
K.R., Maryland
Sharing, or not sharing, the same religious beliefs is an important issue for couples who might marry.
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If you are truly in love with this great guy, don't let his new "no sex before marriage" policy be the reason that you end things. It isn't as if you don't already know you are sexually compatible; after all, you have had a year to explore that side of the relationship. It's possible that giving celibacy a trial period might even strengthen the bond between you.
The real issue here is your boyfriend's new religion, especially if it's something in which he is immersed. Sharing a common religion -- or, at the very least, being open to holding different religious beliefs -- is a very important issue for couples who may consider marriage. The fact that he was willing to embrace this new group's rules without first consulting you, the woman he loves, is a red flag.
If you decide to stick around and give his no-sex terms a try, let him know that in the future you would like to be included in any decisions that affect you as a couple. If he can't make that promise, walk away from this relationship.
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