Issue Date: December 15, 2002
Give the right gift, for the right reason
This year, many Americans feel anxious about holiday spending, given our uncertain economy. But remember, the purpose of holiday gift-giving is to express intimate connectedness. It's not so much about the offering itself as the feelings behind it.
As you shop during the holidays, be thoughtful but realistic.
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Unfortunately, our society encourages shopping as a way to manage anxiety. It can be gratifying -- even arousing -- to spend money. But when you spend more than you can afford, you're not connecting to reality. And solutions that don't address reality only compound the original problem.
Times like this can make you thankful for what you do have. Take inventory. Think about the people you care about and how you can express your feelings for them. Sharing gifts can be an important, satisfying experience that, if done genuinely, actually can reduce anxiety. The key is to be thoughtful, careful and realistic.
The ultimate challenge is how to make young kids happy with limited resources. Kids can get very caught up in what's touted by the media. But I recently found a few unopened boxes of those remote-controlled cars my kids just had to have last Christmas. I think they never missed them because the whole family was here and the kids had a lot of attention paid to them.
You need to get away from thinking that if your children don't get enough material things, it's going to be an unsatisfying holiday for them. The unsatisfying experience is when the gifts are given to replace something emotional. Just do the best you can, and trust me, they will be happy with whatever you offer -- provided you also give them the intangible gifts they need so desperately.
Contributing Editor Drew Pinsky, M.D., co-hosts the nationally syndicated radio program "Loveline".
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