Issue Date: February 2, 2003
I'm a 22-year-old who still lives at home. My boyfriend of five months, who is 27, wants me to move in with him. My mother says living with a man without benefit of marriage is stupid, because "men who get the milk free don't buy the cow." Is she right?
L.M., Missouri
If your mom has a say in whether you live with your boyfriend, you're not ready.
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If you're not savvy enough to know her statement is not only hopelessly out of date, but sexist as well (do you consider women to be possessions that can be bought for services?), then you're probably not mature enough to handle moving in with your boyfriend. Deciding to live together should be based on whether you're committed to each other and serious about wanting a future together. Important issues like whether marriage is the ultimate goal and how household chores and expenses will be divided -- not cows and milk -- should be at the forefront of the discussion.
Consider the following: How much do you really know about this guy after only five months? Do you have similar values, goals and dreams? Your mother has made it clear that your living with your boyfriend would not sit right with her; if things don't work out, do you have a place to go in case she doesn't let you come back home? Be honest: Is this a decision you can make without your mother's permission? Most important, are you really considering this move just because your man is pushing you?
There is no need to rush this relationship along. If, after a year, you can answer the above questions honestly and still feel the same, go ahead and pack your bags. Meanwhile, at 22, try committing to yourself awhile. Establish your own identity so you don't get lost in this relationship.
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