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Issue Date: April 13, 2003
Coed showers
Baby showers, that is. Gents: Here's what to expect when expecting to join the party.
By Dennis McCafferty
According to a recent BabyCenter.com survey, nearly half of baby showers now are coed. And Hollywood celebrity shopper Allana Baroni tells USA WEEKEND Magazine that nearly every shower she's helping to plan in Los Angeles is coed. "L.A. tends to be ahead of the curve when it comes to trends," Baroni says. "And, especially with female celebrities, there's often a Mr. Mom at home who wants to fully participate in the process. They'll even have their male buddies show up."
Which brings up the obvious question: How can males exist in a social environment where participants play fun party games such as "Round the Tummy," in which you tear off lengths of toilet paper to see whose most closely matches the mom-to-be's belly circumference? It has led to some, er, interesting scenarios, such as contests where men fill baby bottles with beer and see who can chug it the fastest.
Given the potential for more Animal House-style assaults on the tradition, we asked etiquette expert Lesley Carlin of EtiquetteGrrls.com to advise men who soon will head off to their first baby shower. Along with fellow Etiquette Grrl Honore McDonough Ervin, Carlin is author of "More Things You Need to Be Told: A Guide to Good Taste and Proper Comportment in a Tacky, Rude World" (Berkley, $11.95), due out in June. "Guys, if you get invited to a baby shower, go!" she says. "Your presence at a shower tells the new parents that you support them as they start their family. Even if it requires a bit of fortitude, who wouldn't want to be a part of that?"
That said, here are Carlin's surefire tips for attending:
Party on, but be-have! "Yes, a baby shower is a party. However, it should not be confused with a Super Bowl party or -- horrors! -- a kegger. Don't expect copious amounts of alcohol. In fact, don't expect any. Given that the baby's mom won't be drinking, many showers are planned in deference to her and are dry."
Bring a gift, but make sure it's for the baby. "Even if you know only the baby's dad and you think he'd really love a chipper-shredder, that is not an appropriate shower gift. If you feel intimidated by the racks of teeny-tiny pastel infant clothes, ask a kind salesperson for help. Or go shopping with a female friend. My friends and I love shopping for baby gifts and would happily guide you through the layette items at Nordstrom. Also, make sure the present is appropriate for an infant. The baby might someday really love a football, but seeing as the baby can't even crawl -- much less complete a post-pattern pass -- it's really not a practical gift at this moment."
Focus, guys, focus. "Don't leave all the female guests talking about Baby Things while you and the rest of the guys sneak off in search of a big-screen television to watch some so-called important show like, say, "When Renegade Monks Fight Back", or an alleged Game of the Century that actually turns out to be arena football. You're there to celebrate the arrival of a baby. So, please, be strong -- even if a 60-inch plasma screen beckons."
Be prepared to discuss things you never thought you would discuss. "The actual purpose of a shower is to 'shower' a new mother with advice about raising her baby. So be prepared to hear animated debates over subjects you might never have considered, such as the Merits of Cloth vs. Disposable Diapers. Do not try to change the topic to box scores. You might actually learn something."
Be a good sport if you're asked to play games. "Yes, they're quite silly. Most women I know think they're silly, too. But if the hostess wants you to participate, just smile and do your best. Note to hostesses: Don't plan games specifically designed to embarrass male guests. They are your guests, not the entertainment."
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A guy's view
To allow equal time for the guys, we asked "Maxim" magazine senior writer John Walsh to weigh in with his own advice for men attending their first baby shower:
When women discuss the pain of childbirth, don't take the bait. What they are really discussing is the horrors that you (as a representative of all men) have inflicted upon the female race. You are implicitly at fault. So this would be a good time to freshen that drink or take a bathroom break.
When passing around gifts, be sensible. Don't, for instance, try on the breast pump.
When talk centers on forecasting the baby's weight, never, ever offer an opinion. Don't even go there. What you'd actually be offering is your take on how well (or poorly) the mom is carrying. Trust me, there is no right answer here.
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