Issue Date: June 29, 2003

Television

Worst in show

"Pimp House"? "Ultimate Dodgeball"? Some concepts for reality series are so appalling, even network execs say no.

By Paul Bond

No wonder everyone bemoans the current state of TV, with one reality franchise after the next polluting the airwaves like a drawn-out series of stink bombs. It's almost as if any idiot with an overactive imagination can stroll into a network programming executive's office, armed with little more than a description of his most eccentric dream, and sign a production deal. How else can one account for UPN's "Chains of Love"?

In April it was reported that O.J. Simpson, whose double-homicide trial could be seen as a precursor to ABC's "I'm a Celebrity -- Get Me Out of Here!", was working on a show of his own. Turns out the series, rumored to be based on Simpson's hip-hop concert appearances in 2001-02, wasn't real. Think of all the sponsors that missed out (Ford Bronco, Tropicana, Isotoner gloves).

Nonetheless, it raises the question: If moronic shows such as Fox's "Mr. Personality" make prime time, how insanely stupid is the material networks actually pull the plug on?

Well, we'll show you.

With an all-new batch of reality shows (about 20) set to join the lineup over the next few months, not to mention next year's launch of the Reality Central cable channel -- all reality shows, all the time -- we did a reality check with several broadcast execs to get the lowdown on series even they thought were too low-minded to greenlight:

Is there no concept too empty between the ears?

Producer: Jeff Gaspin, NBC executive vice president of alternative series, specials and long form, hears 25 pitches a week. Credits: "Meet My Folks", Last Comic Standing and The Restaurant. Passed on: "Convict Island" (this potential "breakout" show aspired to turn felons into TV stars; cons compete "Survivor"-style for cash that goes to their real-life victims) and "Pimp House" (six real-life prostitute procurers shack up together and, we would think, count their dough and raid each other's closets).

Producer: Ghen Maynard is affectionately known as the "reality TV guru" at CBS, where he's vice president of alternative programming. Credits: "The Amazing Race" and "Survivor", the ratings bonanza that, for better or worse, started the current reality TV trend. Passed on: "Extreme Games" (a "Jackass"-inspired show involving a series of brutally painful competitions; e.g., a human baseball glove) and "Who Wants to Be a Sperm Donor"? (the final episode would have featured a live birth).

Producer: Barry Poznick, founder of Zoo Productions, said of one particularly bad pitch: "It's just a hideous idea on all levels. I'm sure someone will do it." Credits: "Girls Behaving Badly" and "I Got Married at Spring Break", the popular 1999 MTV reality special. Passed on: "Wasted" (a show about people getting high and acting like fools) and "Ultimate Dodgeball" (contestants get popped in the face with a big red rubber ball).

Producer: David Goldberg, president of Endemol USA, says: "If you can't sell a concept in one line, it's not gonna make it." Credits: "Fear Factor", "Big Brother" and "Anything for Love", a show that facilitates marriage proposals, reunions and anything else relationship-related. Passed on: "Bangladesh Roulette" (a stadium full of people vie to be chosen the lucky one who gets to put a gun to his or her own head and squeeze the trigger; if there's a bullet in the chamber, the contestant obviously wouldn't need the million bucks).

Paul Bond, a new media editor for The Hollywood Reporter, last wrote about Oscar gift bags.