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Call it what you will, dating is back

Once or twice a month, I get the chance to have intense interaction with college students as a speaker on the lecture circuit. It became increasingly clear from these discussions that college women were dissatisfied with the campus social scene. Generally, there were only three options for interaction: meaningless physical "hookups," "friendship with benefits" (friends having sex with no commitment) or "joined at the hip" (an exclusive relationship that progresses way too fast).

Women told me they drank heavily just to tolerate the scene. When I asked what they wanted, they said they just wanted guys to talk to them. But the guys couldn't understand that. It was like Charlie Brown's teacher talking: "Mwah mwah mwah mwah."

But since Sept. 11, 2001, the discussions have changed completely. Last month at Tulane University, I spent 90 minutes discussing the topic of dating. Students now want to understand themselves and one another, to form bonds that are more meaningful. They are concerned about each other, not just as objects of flirtation, but as human beings. The "date" has returned to campuses, especially in the South. A Matchmaker.com survey showed 77% of 18- to 24-year-old singles are now looking for serious relationships.

I don't tell students how to figure it out. Instead, I challenge them to come up with an arrangement that works for them with a name they can relate to, if "dating" is too quaint. It will be fascinating to see what they come up with. But I believe they can make it work.

Contributing Editor Drew Pinsky, M.D., is co-host of radio's syndicated "Loveline".