Ask Dr. Drew a question!

I've been seeing a man for several months, and it's been going well. Recently, though, I have a tremendous urge to cry after sex. I have felt rejected in the past after being intimate with someone, but this man is very sensitive to my feelings. He has never done anything to make me feel he was going to leave or not want me anymore. Where might these feelings come from?
M.V., Illinois

In my experience, this is not uncommon. Some women actually cry tears of joy after sex, but that's a small minority. Crying usually occurs because the sex exposes an incongruence of some kind: How you feel about the relationship or about yourself doesn't match with the intense intimacy you're experiencing.

It might be that your feelings have changed and you're not in the relationship the way you've been before. You're expecting very strong emotions, and they're just not there. The sex confronts you with that emptiness and lack of love and makes you feel bad.

Sometimes people cry after sex because they expect rejection and distance. The fact that he is showing you genuine feelings is exposing deficiencies in your intimate relationships in the past, perhaps when you were growing up. You may see yourself as unworthy of such openness. Ironically, many women who feel that way actually become rejecters themselves, unconsciously sabotaging their relationships so they won't have to experience abandonment.

Finally, if you are a survivor of trauma or abuse, sex can trigger a kind of flashback. You're flooded by feelings and just get overwhelmed and cry.

My advice is to hang in there and see what comes of it. Don't allow yourself to bail out because you can't deal. If you really can't sustain it, that's when I would recommend therapy.

Contributing Editor Drew Pinsky, M.D., is co-host of radio's syndicated "Loveline."