Issue Date: November 30, 2003

Etiquette

Holiday newsletter do's & don'ts

A Gen-X manners maven helps you write a missive people will actually enjoy.

By Lesley Carlin

Let's face it: We've all gotten a holiday newsletter that was bad enough to save. I'm an etiquette expert who specializes in real-world issues, and at this time of year, I hear many questions about holiday letters from readers of etiquettegrrls.com and the books I co-wrote. People are intrigued about writing them yet simultaneously dread what might arrive in their own mailboxes each year (five pages of poorly executed iambic pentameter bragging about little Cindy's baton-twirling escapades, anyone?).

But just because some holiday newsletters are dreadful, yours doesn't have to be. It's possible to write a fun, interesting holiday update that won't irritate, offend or bore anyone. It just takes a little extra effort.

Don't boast
The most common faux pas is bragging about your kids. Your holiday letter is not your child's college application; there's no need to list his test scores, every single extracurricular activity, etc. "Johnny is excited to be heading to Harvard next fall" is great. Not great: "It's no surprise that Johnny (the state's top quarterback, editor of the newspaper, class president and valedictorian) was accepted at Harvard, given his 1600 on the SAT and 4.0 GPA (can you say, 'future Rhodes Scholar'?)." Tip: Have your kids proofread your letter. If you brag too much, they'll tell you.

Yes, I'd love to hear about your baby! But I'll pass on reading the graphic details of your labor and the child's complete developmental history. Instead, choose a few fun, unique details: "Barrett's first words, in order: 'Ma-Ma,' 'Da-Da' and 'hockey.' We're not kidding." They'll stand out more.

Keep business talk to a minimum. "Bob stepped into a new role as VP of sales at XYZ.com, and he loves it!" sounds good. "Bob met his quarterly

goals, increasing customer retention by 15%" belongs on Bob's résumé, not in your letter. And please -- never, ever mention anyone's salary.

Do consider people's feelings
There's something incongruous about devoting attention to material things in a holiday letter. I'm sure the matching Corniche convertibles you and your spouse bought are lovely, but dwelling on them in a letter you'll send to people who are still driving 1979 Buick Regals isn't very nice.

Use caution when breaking big news. It's fine to announce you're expecting a baby. It's not cool to announce that your sister is -- that's her prerogative. Even if it's news about your spouse or child, if it's something major, make sure he or she approves what you write.

Don't go on and on
Be brief -- one typewritten page, max. We're all going nuts this time of year; if we had time to read a novel, we'd already be curled up with one.

If you want to share sad news, you can; however, the rest of your letter should have an appropriately muted tone. Don't make a transition from "We had the best vacation EVER! The Bahamas ROCK!!!" to "I'm sorry to report Arthur has terminal cancer."

References to the religious aspect of the holidays are fine. Proselytizing isn't. Please don't try to convert anyone or, worse, solicit donations.

"I think I'll write a poem instead of a letter!" -- much like "Sure, I'll have another tequila shot!" -- is never a good idea. Ditto for "I'll write from the perspective of the cat/baby, complete with meows/coos!"

Do make it easy to read
Your letter should be easy on the eyes. If you write it by hand, do it legibly. If you type, pick a simple font in at least 12-point type. Use dark ink on light paper. If you include photos, they should be large enough for the subjects to be identifiable, and the print quality must do them justice. And less is more when using holiday clip art.

Finally, remember that everyone still deserves a personal, handwritten note at the end of your letter. After all, the point of holiday cards and letters is not to give you a forum to tell everyone everything you've done all year, but to let people know you're thinking of them at the holidays.

Happy holiday letter writing!

Lesley Carlin, one of the Etiquette Grrls, is co-author of "Things You Need to Be Told" and "More Things You Need to Be Told" (Berkley).