Issue Date: December 7, 2003
Bye-Bye, bad gifts
You're on someone's list. Dennie tells how to make sure you get what you want.
The singing fish wall plaque. The crocheted toilet-paper holder. The fruitcake. Everyone, at some point, has gotten a gift that's triggered the "What were you thinking?" response. So we return, re-gift, retire it to the garage -- or just resent it, secretly annoyed that the giver could be so clueless.
Don't say "I love it" if you don't. You'll get something like it every year.
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No wonder. Many of us invest an incredible amount of time and energy shopping for loved ones, and "getting a gift in return that misses the mark completely can easily make us feel unimportant," says Los Angeles psychologist Robert Butterworth.
To avoid getting -- and giving -- an incompatible present, try the tactics in my guide at right. And if you do unwrap that gift that makes you go "Hmmm ...," go to Plan B. Don't say "I love it" if you don't; I guarantee you'll keep getting things like it for years to come.
If the giver says, "I don't mind if you exchange it," take that at face value and get the return information "just in case." If you sense that this person really feels he got something perfect for you, just smile, say thanks and then ... feel free to re-gift without guilt.
Want a surefire great gift experience? Start a new tradition. If you truly aren't in need, tell everyone that the only thing you want is a "whatever's affordable" donation to the charity of your choice. It's a win-win. They get the tax write-off and the satisfaction of knowing they gave you the perfect gift, and you'll feel it's the best present you've ever received -- and give.
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How to give -- and get -- great gifts
To avoid getting presents you don't like ...
Enlist a middleman's help. Everyone knows who is closest to you; let that person know what you'd like so he or she can spread the word.
Provide wish lists. For the people in your household, circle items, including sizes and colors, in a catalog and leave it open on the kitchen table. For others, e-mail product links or mail a wish list with specifics.
To be a better gift giver ...
Include gift receipts with presents (most stores provide them) so they can be exchanged more easily.
Give a gift certificate to the recipient's favorite store or mall. If you live nearby, enclose a card that says, "When you're ready to use this, call me so we can shop for it together!" That way, you get to reconnect -- and get a better idea of what this person really likes, for future reference.
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