Issue Date: December 28, 2003
My fiancée comes from more money than I do. It wasn't an issue until we got engaged. Now her parents insist I sign a prenuptial agreement. I told my fiancée it offends me to fill out a divorce agreement before we're even married, but she says she's tired of this conversation and won't talk to me until I sign it. I feel bullied and angry. What should I do?
J.K., Connecticut
Don't fight your fiancée's parents over a prenup. You want their daughter, not their money.
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You need to get your head out of your cloud of anger and resentment long enough to see how your fiancée is doing. She's probably just as upset as you are (after all, her parents are causing the problem). She's chosen to withdraw, not because she has taken their side, but because this issue is beyond her control. She's not the one who's insisting on keeping her money from you. It's not even her money at issue; it's her parents'.
Now, put yourself in their place: You have a lot of money and a daughter you love. You know about half of new marriages end in divorce, so you want to make sure any assets you worked for your entire life end up with your daughter, not her possible future ex-husband. Now do you understand their point of view? Your fiancée needs you, her best friend, to stop being angry with her.
Rather than wallow in negative emotions, approach the prenup in a more mature, adult way. Take it to a lawyer, and unless there is something that troubles him, sign it. Don't think of it as a "divorce contract"; think of it as a way to show your future in-laws that the only asset they have that you want is their daughter.
Finally, although her family's money has never been an issue, your financial future should be. Be sure to talk about things like household budgets and bills so you're both on the same financial page before walking down the aisle.
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