Issue Date: January 4, 2004

EDUCATION

Lessons in love

New college courses school romance-addled students in the realities of marriage and family life.

By Kelly DiNardo

Flirting, conflict resolution skills and even managing a family budget have joined Shakespeare and the quadratic equation as topics for study across the country as colleges design courses to cut through fairy-tale ideals and teach students how to be smarter about marriage.

"People have very romanticized notions about relationships," says Dennis Lowe, director of Pepperdine University's Center for the Family. "Many students say they want a relationship that works, but they don't know how to do this. Many haven't seen it happen."

A list compiled by Lowe indicates more than 50 colleges and universities now offer such courses, ranging from Marriage 101 at Northwestern University to Developing Healthy Relationships, Lowe's class at Pepperdine. As the new semester begins, USA WEEKEND goes back to school to see what kinds of relationship courses are on syllabuses.

Harvard University:
Ranked No. 1 "Overall" by "U.S. News & World Report"

Professor Russell Muirhead teaches Ethics and Everyday Life: Work and Family, which tackles "the relations of morality and politics to work and family." The course studies gender roles within marriage and family and whether related issues belong in politics and legislation.

Muirhead points out that these matters are a central part of human life. "We might be able to lead an excellent life without marriage, but everybody aspires to love," he says. "At the same time, there's been a massive fragmentation and revolution that affects the way we work out love and marriage and family." Muirhead believes that students have more to figure out in trying to balance marriage and career than did earlier generations and that the university environment is ideal for exploring those issues: "It turns out the very thing people have to figure out is spoken to very powerfully by literature and the arts."

University of Wisconsin, Madison:
Named No. 1 "Lots of Beer," No. 2 "Party School" by "Princeton Review"

In Couple Relationships, professor Linda Roberts "examines the formation, maintenance and dissolution of premarital and marital relationships, focusing on attraction, love, intimacy, power and commitment."

Roberts tries to get students to separate the various types of love that occur in relationships. "Many students put priority on the chemistry of a relationship. I want them to understand the nature of intimacy and commitment that may be more important in later stages of relationships," she says.

Roberts also believes it's critical to address drinking as a topic within the course. "Many students on this campus see parties that involve alcohol as a way to connect," she says. "Alcohol is an incredibly important phenomenon for some of them. It's really important that we bring an understanding of how alcohol may impact how we develop relationships."

Brigham Young University:
Named No. 1 "Students Pray on a Regular Basis" by "Princeton Review"

At the nation's most prominent Mormon college, students have been studying marriage and family since the 1950s. The school even offers a major in Family Life. Courses in the major include both those with an academic focus and those more oriented toward personal growth. "We have a class that's called Marital Formation that looks at the research literature," says James Harper, director of the School of Family Life. "But then we have classes that are kind of a how-to-do-it."

Harper, who teaches Marriage Enhancement to couples already married, notes that the school delves into areas public institutions cannot. "Research shows religious practice, especially if it's internalized, really does influence the marriage," he says. "It builds a commitment to really work through things, because the idea of marriage as a religious covenant builds a different perspective into marriage."

DePaul University, Chicago:
Named No. 1 "Happy Students" by "Princeton Review"

Professor Tim Cole teaches Close Relationships, which examines "the role of communication in the development, maintenance and deterioration of romantic attachments." The course looks at attraction, how people get a first date and problems couples face.

Through the course, Cole hopes students understand the science behind why we mate the way we do. But he also admits that one of his secret goals is that students will pick better romantic partners.

"I hope, when the course is done, they look at how important it is to be compatible in so many different dimensions," he says. "Most students are so swayed by romantic, passionate love, they lose sight of what makes a relationship work. When the passion fades, there have to be so many other factors to make a relationship work, like compatibility, companionship and knowing how to read each other's emotions and respond appropriately."