In this article: Start with a list

Plan your own funeral?

Many don't want to think about it, but a little advance work will give both you and your family some peace of mind -- and save money.

I am halfway through Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum mysteries, the latest of which is "To the Nines." I'm taking my time reading them because they're so funny, thanks largely to Stephanie's 80-ish, gun-toting Grandma Mazur. She's obsessed by good-looking men half her age -- and funerals. Her idea of fun is to go to a viewing, scarf some free food and discuss whether the embalmer did a good job. And when it's her time, it's clear what sort of funeral she wants -- she's already told everyone in town.

Most people don't share their wishes. And that's unfortunate. Because only in planning for your own funeral can you ensure that you get what you want and you don't overpay.

Think about how you typically plan and purchase a funeral: A parent, spouse or other loved one dies. You're an emotional wreck. And it's at this moment that you are asked to choose between the $600 casket and the $2,500 one, the standard flower package and the deluxe. You're making decisions with your heart, not your head. And with funerals running an average $5,200, according to the National Funeral Directors Association, this scenario might not be the best thing for your wallet. (Like many other goods and services, prices vary by region. An Internet search shows tabs easily can run $1,000 to $2,000 higher.) And that doesn't include the cost of the grave site or headstone.

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So today, we look at what you need to know when facing these decisions. (I hope you don't need this information imminently. This is a column to clip and save for when you want to refer to it.)

Make a list of the things that are important to you, then record the details. Before shopping, think about what you want, says Sally Hurme, an elder-law expert for the AARP. What kind of service would you like? Do you want to be cremated? Notes Hurme: "All of these decisions have to be made by someone. Why not have them made by you?" Then explain (in writing) your choices to your family and make sure everyone has a copy.

Shop around. It may sound crass, but talking to more than one funeral director is a must. Where to start? Local memorial societies can advise you on funeral homes and your options; call the Funeral Consumers Alliance at 800-765-0107, or go to www .funerals.org, to find a society in your area. Every funeral home must have a line-by-line breakdown of prices so you can see how much you'll be charged for everything from "professional services" (use of the facility) and viewings to the registry book and limousine service. Pay particular attention to prices on caskets and vaults; those fluctuate the most, says Philip Haddad of Westland Perpetual Trust, a company that cares for grave sites: "I always encourage families to be conservative when it comes to the cost of both." Although caskets can run into the thousands, he suggests buying a nice, appropriate one in the range of $1,200 to $1,500. A good-quality sealed vault runs $600 to $700. And if you're shopping for burial plots, too, compare the cost of opening and closing a grave, which can run from $500 up to $2,500. Today 28% of Americans are cremated (in some states, the figure is close to 60%). Immediate cremation, at around $1,000, is far less expensive than a traditional burial requiring a casket, vault and plot.

Prepay only when necessary. Both the AARP and the Funeral Consumers Alliance say prepaying funeral expenses generally isn't a smart idea. Although states have laws governing how funeral homes must keep your assets, some laws are more watertight than others. You may not get a full refund if you change your mind, if you move or if the company goes out of business, notes the alliance's Joshua Slocum. It makes more sense to price the services you want now, then put that sum away in a money market fund or buy a small life insurance policy to cover the expenses. There is one exception: If you or a parent is trying to spend down assets to qualify for Medicaid, prepaying for a funeral can be a smart move. Dollars put toward funeral expenses aren't counted as part of your net worth.

Contributing Editor Jean Chatzky is the author of "You Don't Have to Be Rich" (Penguin, $23.95). Additional reporting by Brian B. Reid.