Issue Date: February 8, 2004
Should she propose?
Of course. Here's how to make sure he gives the right answer.
Monica did it on "Friends." So did Miranda on "Sex and the City." In real life, Halle Berry tried it, too.
I'm talking about proposing marriage. As it turns out, Valentine's Day is the biggest proposal day of the year, according to TheKnot.com.
I started thinking about the subject of women proposing to men when I received this question from Amber in New Jersey:
"One of my favorite "Friends" episodes is when Monica asked Chandler to marry her. Any advice about proposing to my boyfriend for Valentine's Day?"
According to a new survey conducted by Korbel Champagne, 70% of Americans agree that it's socially acceptable for women to propose marriage to men, almost 50% of all women would propose to their significant other, and a whopping 80% of men would accept a proposal from their significant other. Clearly, the role of women in society today figures in twisting traditional gender roles. More women than ever head companies and households; controlling their romantic future isn't too much of a stretch.
So, is there a protocol for women bent on getting down on bended knee? The good news: No diamond (or, as I call it, the engage-man ring) is required. The bad news: No diamond for you, either, Amber (although more often than not, a man will follow up with that token of affection).
No matter who proposes, it's natural to feel nervous. The most important thing is that it shouldn't come as a total shock to your intended. Be sure marriage is something you've both discussed and agreed on. Then, consider his comfort level (how does he feel about private vs. public proposals?), write out a speech from the heart, plan, rehearse (especially if family or friends are involved) and deliver.
That said, be prepared for some possible fallout. Check out what Jessica in Ohio wrote me:
"I asked my fiancé to marry me several months ago, and he said yes. Since then, several people have hinted that 'a woman proposing is a woman desperate.' Are they right?"
The simple answer: No. As long as you and your fiancé are happy, write off those negative clods -- and then cross them off your wedding invite list.
Happy Valentine's Day!
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