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Issue Date: April 4, 2004
The new family home
From playrooms for the kids to quiet zones for everyone, we're rethinking our living spaces. Here's how to get the most out of yours as your family changes.
By Reed Karaim
To create a room in which everyone feels at home, you need to see it through your children's eyes.
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You have a home. You have a family. But do you have a family home?
The answer isn't quite as simple as it seems. A house can either steer members of a family into their separate worlds or bring them closer together, something that seems ever more important in today's overscheduled life. Recognizing this, a loose collection of authors, architects and stylists is promoting designs and furnishings that can truly turn a dwelling into a "family home."
The idea is to create rooms flexible enough to meet different needs, encourage interaction and allow families to share space and activities with a minimum of hassle. Call the "family home" a quiet revolt against impracticality, a triumph of need over appearances. Call it a recognition that if home is where the heart is, then a home should gather together those closest to your heart.
"A family home is a place where every individual can feel relaxed, and that will mold itself to everyone's needs over the years -- from baby and parents to teenagers," says Judith Wilson, the author of "Family Living: Creating the Perfect Family Home."
That goal wins a hearty endorsement from experts who track family life. Ellen Galinsky, director of the Families and Work Institute in New York, conducted a study in 1999 of how children looked at their world. "When you asked kids and parents what kids would remember from childhood, parents guessed it was the big extravaganza -- the big trip or whatever," Galinsky says. "But kids talked about the everyday family traditions. That was what really mattered to them."
A home that lets family members coexist in the same spaces fosters the kind of everyday togetherness kids consider so important, Galinsky says. It also can go a long way toward protecting the sanity of their parents, who find they spend less time keeping up appearances and more time on the things that matter.
What makes a home a family home? Those who have studied the question offer some underlying concepts to keep in mind:
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Functionality first
A family home is built around the idea that rooms and furnishings should be practical. But that doesn't mean you have to ignore style. Children can get as big a kick as parents do out of that whimsical love seat or those brightly colored walls or funky (yet sturdy) lamps.
It means not letting style trump day-to-day usefulness. A museum-exhibit living room that puts no one at ease doesn't make a lot of sense in a family home. A formal dining table that does little but collect dust for weeks on end might be replaced by a desk and a smaller table that works well for family game night.
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A family home focuses on informal, comfortable gathering places.
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Above all, a family home focuses on informal, comfortable gathering places. A simple idea, but not always easy to accept. "People fear not looking sophisticated," says Jane Gitlin, an architect and co-author of Taunton's "Family Home Idea Book." "You have to get over that."
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Flexibility is key
How can you design a family room to accommodate everything from a teenage party to a cozy night together after the kids have gone to bed? Answer: You can't. But flexible spaces and furnishings can help. Fold-up tables and extra chairs that can be pulled out when needed, a sideboard that serves as a craft table, couches that can be rolled from one part of the room to another -- all these things can make your house a family home. An open floor plan helps, as does space that does double or triple duty -- for instance, a guest room that serves as a computer or hobby room.
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A good kitchen also needs a "message center," a place near the phone where family members can leave notes or otherwise communicate as they come and go.
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Flexibility is especially important in the kitchen, the heart and soul of the modern home, because it's as likely to be used for homework, TV viewing, bill paying and after-work conversation as it is for cooking. Even in a small kitchen, provide several seating choices if possible: a table, a bar with stools, a small desk. A good kitchen also needs a "message center," a place near the phone where family members can leave notes or otherwise communicate as they come and go.
It makes sense to surrender a kid-height cabinet to homework and art supplies. "FamilyFun Home," a book by Deanna F. Cook and the experts at "FamilyFun" magazine, suggests setting up a snack station, a space in a lower cabinet where the kids can serve themselves. (Feel free to set rules such as "no eating within an hour of dinner.")
Finally, flexibility means adjusting as children grow and needs shift; for example, family members might need more privacy. "We want our homes to be able to change as the family changes," Gitlin says.
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Accepting reality
White carpets and linen furniture look great in glossy magazine spreads. They look less great with ground-up crackers on them, but that's the reality of life with children. Dark or patterned fabrics hide more stains. Durable materials or easily laundered furniture covers are part of the bargain in the family home.
But style doesn't have to be sacrificed. A breakable vase at child height might be replaced by a wooden statuette. A monochromatic carpet can be replaced by a Berber rug in a weave that wears well and hides spills.
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A child's world
To create a room in which everyone feels at home, you need to see it through your kids' eyes. Kids love to cocoon themselves, so casual throws on the corner of a couch or love seat can give them a chance to do that.
"Think about flooring as your children would," says "Family Living" author Wilson. "Children spend an incredible amount of time on the floor. Think about the way things feel. Children are very tactile creatures." In other words, that chrome-and-leather chair might look great, but it could be cold and uninviting to the pajama-party gang.
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Storage, storage, storage
Anyone with kids will sometimes feel as if home is a garbage dump. The secret to making a house livable for adults is storage. However much you think you need, you'll need more. Children's toys multiply in the dark, and kids' momentary passions -- model planes, dinosaurs, Barbie dolls -- can seize control of your home in mere days. The answer: closets, cabinets, shelves, plastic bins. Lots of plastic bins.
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Store stuff as close as possible to where it's actually used.
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Store stuff as close as possible to where it's actually used. Give kids storage space in every room where they have stuff. Then expect them to put it away -- OK, put most of it away -- at the end of the day.
The broken toes you save may be your own.
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Private retreats
Even in the family home, everyone sometimes needs a retreat. Bedrooms often provide a place for this, as do bathrooms, especially ones with a big, comfortable tub.
But Gitlin suggests also looking at unused nooks. A stairway landing can be made into a quiet spot with the addition of a built-in desk, or with an overstuffed chair and a reading lamp. A dormer, an attic or even a walk-in closet can be transformed into a getaway zone.
A good retreat, whether for children or parents, can give us a chance to recharge our batteries and find our better selves at those moments when we feel overwhelmed. And that's critical because, as Gitlin says, "a family home is a place that supports and nurtures the family life we want to create."
Reed Karaim, who is based in Tucson, Ariz., last wrote for USA WEEKEND about this year's most innovative products.
Cover photograph by Johner/Photonica.
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