Issue Date: November 14, 2004

How not to end up a "Desperate Housewife"
Advice from America's hottest dating gurus.
By Kelly DiNardo

Before the women of "Sex and the City" kicked off their Jimmy Choos and shelved their cosmo glasses, they inspired the new self-help book "He's Just Not That Into You." Real-life women have been lining up in their strappy heels to get hold of the best seller, which is causing more buzz than "The Rules" did when it came out in 1995. In the meantime, a very different group of women has taken over Sunday-night TV: "Desperate Housewives." We turned to the dating mavens behind the book to get love advice for the desperate divas of the smash-hit show, and to find out how real women, married and single, can avoid becoming them.

Susan Mayer
(Teri Hatcher)
Bio: This children's book author and her teenage daughter are picking up the pieces after Susan's bitter divorce.
Love dilemma: After too many dateless nights, Susan makes several attempts to ask out her hunky new neighbor.
Our gurus say: Don't ask him out. "She's very typical of women we've talked to," Tuccillo says. "They're fantastically successful in their career but allow men to treat them badly." "Let him notice you first and ask you out," Behrendt says. "She should be confident she's worth being asked out."
Desperate Housewife prevention: "When men want you," the authors write, "they do the work. ... It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth. If you have to be the aggressor, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of 10, he's just not that into you."

Bree Van De Kamp
(Marcia Cross)
Bio: This Martha Stewart-type wife does it all, from baking delicious muffins to upholstering furniture, but she drives her family crazy.
Love dilemma: Bree's husband asks for a divorce; she refuses to allow it and does everything she can to ignore their problems.
Our gurus say: "Often women have an ideal, and they're not paying attention to who they really are and what's really happening," Tuccillo says.
Desperate Housewife prevention: If breaking up is unavoidable, be classy. "Classy is walking away with your head held high, graciously and with dignity," the authors write. Remember, "there's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together."

Gabrielle Solis
(Eva Longoria)
Bio: This ex-model has become a rich jerk's trophy wife.
Love dilemma: She's quarreling with her husband and having an affair with her teen gardener. She got everything she ever wanted but now realizes she wanted the wrong things.
Our gurus say: "This may have been what she wanted, but now that she's in the relationship, she's choosing to settle by not getting out of it," Tuccillo says. "A woman wants to be loved more than she wants jewelry."
Desperate Housewife prevention: "If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks," the authors write. "The only thing in your control is how long you allow these gentlemen to take up space in your life. ... It should be about 10 minutes from when they first display their completely unacceptable behavior."

Lynette Scavo
(Felicity Huffman)
Bio: A former career woman powering to the top, Lynette is now a stay-at-home mom with four rambunctious kids.
Love dilemma: Her husband travels a lot on business. When he comes home, he can't keep his hands off her. Exhausted by the kids, she punches him when he wants to "risk it" without birth control.
Our gurus say: "With the exception of being overworked, she seems pretty happy," Behrendt says. "Her husband doesn't always call, which could be something to watch for, but when he comes home he could not be more into her."
Desperate Housewife prevention: Men "say they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone," the authors write. "The word 'busy' is the relationship weapon of mass destruction. ... Men are never too busy to get what they want."

Kelly DiNardo is writing a biography of burlesque queen Lili St. Cyr.

Go to top

About TV's sexiest new drama

"Desperate Housewives" (ABC, Sundays at 9 p.m. ET).
What it is: After a day of "polishing the routine of my life until it gleamed with perfection," seemingly perfect housewife Mary Alice Young (Brenda Strong) shot and killed herself, leaving her neighbors to wonder what was really going on. But Mary Alice doesn't completely disappear; she narrates from beyond the grave and provides an inside look at her friends' lives in this darkly funny satire of suburban life.
By the numbers: The show debuted with 21.6 million viewers, making it the highest-rated new series of this season.

About America's new best seller on dating

"He's Just Not That Into You," by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, $19.95).

What it is: A very direct relationship manual from two "Sex and the City" alums, aimed at persuading women to stop making excuses for men who are "just not that into" them.
By the numbers: Getting a boost from "Oprah" and the "Today" show, the book took the No. 1 spot on Amazon and BN.com. It also landed on the "New York Times" best-sellers list, besting "The South Beach Diet."