Issue Date: April 10, 2005
I am a 25-year-old single woman. My father recently married a woman with grown children. One of my new stepbrothers is 27, and I immediately hit it off with him. I'm very attracted to him, but I'm not sure it's ethical. What should I do? Should I talk to my dad about it?
T.G., Alabama
Can you date your stepbrother? Sure. But should you?
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Unethical? Not necessarily. You're not blood-related; you are both adults with lives that are separate from those of your parents and thus can conduct a relationship that need not affect their marriage.
Unwise? Possibly. If things end badly and you end up hating each other, family functions could be extremely uncomfortable for everybody.
Before you even consider making a move, think about your own dating history. Are you a person who becomes very emotional over a breakup, gets attached quickly or (be honest) jumps from one relationship to another? If you say yes to any of those scenarios, set your sights on someone you won't have to pass the gravy to at the holiday table.
Or do you consider yourself a sensible, "head first, heart later" dater? If so, proceed, but with caution. Instead of acting on the physical attraction, take some time to really get to know this guy as a friend and see whether he's someone who is kind, thoughtful, honest, loyal -- and worth taking the risk.
Although you don't need your dad's permission, be sure to let him know beforehand if you do decide to date his stepson, out of respect and courtesy. If he has reservations, consider his reasons with an open mind. He may know things about this man that make him undateworthy and could save you a lot of heartache.
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