Issue Date: May 8, 2005
Q: I have been on the Atkins diet for a few months, and the results are amazing. The problem is, my wife definitely is a believer in "the more the better," and I've noticed she is losing physical desire for the new me. What should I do?
S.S., Illinois
When a partner becomes a "new person," we can't help but feel threatened.
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I receive hundreds of letters from both men and women who have lost weight and then worry that they might lose their partners, too.
Encourage your wife to share her concerns with you. Is she worried you're losing weight for someone else? Is she upset because you spend more time at the gym than with her? Maybe she just feels lousy that she isn't keeping up with you in the quest to look and feel better.
Also, reassure her of your love. Invite her to work out with you, and suggest fun outings that aren't centered around food, such as bowling or biking. In other words, give her "more you" by giving her more of your attention.
Unfortunately, when a partner becomes a "new person," it's common to feel threatened by the changes. Some people fear that their slimmed-down partner will be more likely to stray. Plus, there's the anxiety that things you always enjoyed together, such as sharing a giant buttered popcorn at the movies or beerfests with friends, are a thing of the past.
Finally, make sure you aren't so caught up in your success that it's all you think and talk about. Forcing food and fitness philosophies onto others can be a turnoff.
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