Issue Date: August 21, 2005
I am a 30-year-old woman. I'm positive I never want to have children. I'm lucky enough to have married a man who feels the same. Our families, though, are constantly asking when we're going to grow up and get started on a family. I'm sick of the "nothing compares to the love of a child" lectures. Any ideas on stopping the madness?
D.C., North Carolina
It amazes me how annoyed -- and annoying -- some people can get over what they see as an anti-family stance. The lack of respect for a deeply personal, well-thought-out decision -- coupled with the "kids are the only reason for being" argument -- is downright rude. It's even more hideous if the verbal attack is heaped on a fiercely private couple who are physically or financially unable to have kids.
It would be more insulting if they didn't encourage you to procreate!
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On the other hand, if having a child has been your parents' greatest experience, their zealousness has more to do with sharing joy than issuing judgment or insult. It's more about tradition and the urge to add to the family tree. (Besides, it would be way more insulting if they didn't encourage you to procreate!)
My advice? Be calm and firm. Act confident about your decision. In private, ask those you love to please respect your beliefs and stop bringing up the topic. Promise them that if anything ever changes, they'll be the first to know. Have responses ready for those who simply refuse to drop the subject -- i.e., when they say, "Having kids means you won't die alone," respond: "Really? Hundreds of lonely parents in nursing homes would beg to differ."
Finally, stay true to your convictions and open to where life takes you. The last thing you want to do is stubbornly continue to prove a point even if you have a change of heart someday.
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