Issue Date: December 4, 2005
The price of infertility
My wife and I have been trying to have kids for the last few years. Now she is exploring the possibility of in vitro fertilization. While I love the idea of having a child, I am the only one working, and I fear this process will leave us bankrupt. How do I talk to her about the financial realities without sounding insensitive?
M.J., North Carolina
Talking dollars and cents is difficult when every fiber of your being yearns for parenthood. However, because money is a major reason why many marriages end in divorce, it absolutely has to be a consideration in your baby conversation. It just shouldn't be the first one.
First, get evaluated, says fertility expert Lawrence Werlin. This possibly could include a battery of tests to check sperm count and reproductive health. Those factors, coupled with a woman's age, play a key role in determining the possible cost of treatment.
Only then should you start discussing the financial commitment. The average price for in vitro fertilization is $12,400, according to the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology. This is on top of the consultation, which costs around $300, and medical tests, which can run $1,000 to $2,500. Note that some states require insurance carriers to cover in vitro costs, and some companies provide benefits. Also, many fertility clinics offer a variety of financing options.
Once you've shown your ability to be supportive, your wife must do the same. Let her know how worried you are about the fiscal burden on you, and ask if she would consider picking up a job to help defray the costs. If she refuses, I would suggest holding off until you have banked some money -- and are sure you are not the only one who is giving 100% to this relationship.
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