Issue Date: February 5, 2006
Unite to beat cancer
I was just diagnosed with cancer. After careful thought, I have decided I'd like to try a holistic course of treatment instead of chemotherapy or radiation. My husband is furious and doing whatever he can to change my mind, including making my 5-year-old daughter beg me to "do what Daddy says" so I won't die. How can I persuade him to respect my decision?
F.F., Nevada
Remember: The decision about treatment ultimately is yours. But the journey you take to arrive at that conclusion should include the people closest to you, because the course of treatment you choose will directly affect them.
First, rather than traumatize your daughter, you and your husband must try to minimize her stress by presenting a united, calm front and assuring her that Mommy and Daddy will take care of everything.
Getting your husband's respect starts with respecting his feelings. Show him you're open to hearing his arguments about exploring all treatment options.
Find a way to think "we" instead of "me." Let your husband be a part of the ordeal you face. As a cancer survivor myself, I know the fear of losing control and the desire to regain it, as well as investing in the idea that "it's up to me to get better." But in the end, what helped me through was allowing myself to accept support and love from family and friends.
If you find overcoming this tug of war with your husband impossible, consider that the real problem could be less about your disease and more about your relationship. Marriage counseling, coupled with cancer support groups, may be key in your battle to get well.
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