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Caregivers' stress

Minimize guilt or anger by taking care of yourself.

It's ironic: Caregivers feel stressed and even angry when trapped in a situation that demands their complete attention. And yet, on those occasions when they do get away, they feel guilty. Then, their loved one's death can bring further emotional turmoil -- grief from the loss, but relief of the burden.

These are all normal feelings, but knowing this doesn't always make coping any easier. In fact, a Yale University study found that about a quarter of caregivers actually end up clinically depressed themselves.

For many caregivers, the task becomes all-consuming, and they place everything else on hold. The caregiver, for example, may disengage from his social circle. His loved one's death then leaves an emotional and social void. Caregivers can avoid this by getting help with daily needs and by staying socially active.

Some family members and friends can address the caregiver's own needs (such as assisting with cooking and cleaning), while others may be able to help bathe, dress and feed the sick individual. If your loved one requires more intense medical attention, professional help is a must. Your doctor can advise you about which social service organization is most appropriate for your needs.

While you are tending to your loved one, don't neglect your health or your friends. Remain physically active to reinvigorate your body and enhance your capacity to care for someone else. And stay in contact with friends to get the emotional support you need for a healthy outlook on life.

Tedd Mitchell, M.D., is medical director of the Wellness Program at Dallas' Cooper Clinic.