Issue Date: April 30, 2006
Waiting until marriage
I'm 28, single and planning to stay a virgin until I'm married. My friends say that doing so will make it more likely that my marriage will fail (like Nick and Jessica's!) because we may not be sexually compatible. I disagree. Who is right here?
S.Y., Vt.
Being a virgin -- or not being one -- has nothing to do with marital success. As a matter of fact, plenty of couples with sexual sizzle often fizzle out because they don't have anything else in common beyond the bedroom.
That said, sexual compatibility is an important factor in a marriage. While some men and women are willing to hold off on having sex during the "getting to know you" phase, you should be aware that most men will want a sexual relationship before getting serious.
Does this mean you should give up the moral or religious decision to remain a virgin until your wedding night? Absolutely not. But this doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing proposition. Based on the level of commitment and your own comfort zone, consider exploring other types of intimacy with your partner. Not only will this help you establish trust and respect, but it will allow you to figure out what makes each other tick and get a good idea of how sexually in sync you are.
I don't know Nick and Jessica personally, but it was clear from watching them on "Newlyweds" that what ultimately tore them apart wasn't her wedding night wait or, as some think, her relative stardom. It was largely her immaturity and what seemed to be unrelated relationship goals and expectations. Ignore those critical friends and continue to script your own life, the way you see fit.
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