Issue Date: June 11, 2006
Make an effort to spend time together
My boyfriend and I are madly in love and are now engaged. But the problem is, he just got a new job with a schedule that's totally different than mine. I work 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. with weekends off; he works 2 a.m. to noon, including weekends. (Plus, I'm a morning person, and he's a night owl.) This affects the quality time we have together and our sex life. How we can adapt to this to get our marriage off to a successful start?
G.W., Florida
A: It sounds as if you have the passion to make this relationship work. Now all you need is a bit of compromise and creativity.
First, decide what "quality time" means to each of you. Great sex? A romantic dinner? An evening out? Being clear about what ideas rate as your top ways to feel close can help you structure your time more efficiently.
Next, instead of being overwhelmed by your "impossible" schedules, break them down into smaller, more manageable time frames. You have weekends off, so how about twice a month you stay up late on a Friday or Saturday to accommodate his night-owl persona? Perhaps he can meet you for lunch or dinner occasionally during the week. Turn these small chunks of time into moments you fill by meeting your most important needs.
Finally, find ways to stay on each other's mind when you are apart: Put sweet notes in each other's bags; invest in a camcorder and make fun "welcome home" recordings for after-work viewing; leave "I love you" voice mails.
Being able to tackle a problem is a skill you'll use throughout your relationship. And creating ways to show your appreciation for each other will keep you both as madly in love 10 years from now are you are today.
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