Issue Date: July 16, 2006
Dating and the single parent
Kids want you happy, attached.
Many agree: Dating is a necessary evil on the road to finding a Mr. or Ms. Right. For single parents, the trek is that much tougher.
No one knows this more than Nicole Rodrigues, 27, of Fremont, Calif. A divorced mother of a 5-year-old, Rodrigues is nerve-racked about introducing her steady of several months. "I remember how stressful it was for me to have to meet my mom's boyfriends and worry about liking someone too much because he could be gone tomorrow," she says.
Kim Thomas of Staten Island, N.Y., widowed at 32 with two small children, recalls how others compounded the guilt she felt for getting back on the dating scene, despite having received the blessing of her terminally ill husband. "I was shocked at how people I considered to be friends judged me, saying I didn't grieve long enough or was too happy with the new person," she says. "Divorced friends were encouraged to find love, but in my case, it was betrayal."
Despite such obstacles, studies show that kids are happier when their parents are happier. Ways to ease the transition:
Hold off on dating until you have grieved or gotten over your last relationship. When you can reflect on it without anger and tears, you're ready.
Keep the relationship away from your children until you've been dating exclusively (ideally, eight or nine months).
Introduce your date to trusted friends and family members first. If they aren't impressed, find out why.
Provide an informal setting, like a barbecue with friends, to introduce the kids to your "really good friend" so they can see you two interact comfortably.
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