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Test to be safe

I have been dating a guy for a month, and I was ready to take the relationship to the next level. Then, out of nowhere, he handed me a home HIV test and told me that before we could progress, I had to take it. Should I be insulted?

You have every right to be angry. Even if you might have said something about your past that made him apprehensive, his reaction -- to shove a home HIV test at you without any discussion -- was unacceptable.

If you decide to give him a second chance, despite his blunder, don't brush off what happened. Even though talking about your past lovers is not necessary, you both should discuss your "sexpectations," including getting tested.

In fact, you should be tested regularly when you are sexually active. And when you find yourself contemplating a monogamous relationship with someone -- when you might not always reach for a condom before having sex -- it's especially important for both of you to know your HIV status to stay safe.

Unlike the current home-test system, which requires you to send specimens out to a lab, the new, rapid home HIV tests that provide same-day results should be on the way soon. Those new and improved home tests will provide results in about 20 minutes and could make HIV testing a very routine part of the dating ritual.

Keep in mind, though, that it can take anywhere from 25 days to six months from the time of infection before HIV-fighting antibodies can be detected in the blood, says Jennifer Kates, director of HIV policy at the Kaiser Family Foundation. "Any risky or sexual contact without protection within that window of time could cause you to have a false result," she says.

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