Issue Date: October 1, 2006
Mr. Wrong? Move on.
I met a guy who has it all: money, looks, brains and a good heart. I've been dating him for about five months, but, no matter how hard I try, I'm just not feeling thunderbolts. How long should you hang in there before throwing in the towel? Is it ever OK to try to talk yourself into falling for someone?
SK, Texas
A relationship that's all sizzle can quickly fizzle.
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I applaud your giving this great guy a chance, and I hope more singles follow your lead and ditch that instant-love romance-movie concept that so many buy in to.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a huge fan of that crazy fireworks feeling. I, myself, have passed over perfectly wonderful guys for some less-than-worthy ones in the name of instant "chemistry." But what I discovered in the dating trenches is, more often than not, relationships that start off so intensely will fizzle once you stop kissing and start talking. On the other hand, those that build slowly to a thunderbolt moment tend to have staying power.
The good news is that you've given this guy several months to show you who he is and to grow on you. The bad news is that if you still don't feel anything, after five months, you should consider ending things.
Before you do, though, ask yourself two questions: Is it possible that, despite the superficial stuff like money, looks and brains (your order of importance, not mine), he's lacking the qualities that count, such as honesty, respect and loyalty? And are you hanging in there to please others ("he's such a great catch!") or because you fear you'll never meet someone this nice again?
If you can say yes to any of those scenarios, it's time for both of you to go forth and find real love. But don't worry: With about 90 million singles in this country alone, there's no shortage of thunderbolts just waiting to happen.
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