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"Sorry" isn't enough

Christie Brinkley's husband, Peter Cook, made his confession of guilt and apology for his infidelity a huge public event. My soon-to-be-ex is guilty of the same crimes, but not so famously regretful. At what point should you believe that someone is truly sorry and ready to change, or just sorry to have been caught?
W.P., Pennsylvania

Here's a Portuguese wisdom I've known since I was a kid: Apologizing is a lot like giving to charity -- the more you need people to hear about it, the less sincerity there is behind the gesture.

That said, there is no right or wrong way to apologize, and when matters of the heart (and children) are involved, people normally try all kinds of ways to reconnect. Personally, I think Cook taking it public was, like his affair, the wrong thing to do to his family.

If a wronged spouse wants to try to save her marriage, she should expect more than just "forgive me," says Scott Haltzman, psychiatrist and author of "The Secrets of Happily Married Men."

"Unless he's willing to do everything you need for him to do to prove he's sorry -- get rid of the mistress, make his whereabouts known at all times, get professional help -- so that you can start forgiving and building trust, then he's not truly sorry," he says.

As you make him prove his sincerity, you need to be sure you're really open to staying together and not just going through the motions. He also may be holding back because, deep down, he already knows the marriage is over. If that's the case, going your separate ways is best. I know I would find it hard to forgive and forget.