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Broach a tough topic

I've been taking care of my senior mom for a year, and it's obvious her health is declining quickly. She refuses to talk about wills or anything that has to do with death. What should I do?
A.G., Virginia

It's difficult with a parent who's already frightened over her failing health, unhappy about your role reversal and from the "if I don't talk about it, then it won't happen" school of thought.

Randalynn Kaye, a senior specialist at Wyndemere Senior Living Campus in Wheaton, Ill., suggests altering your approach. Older adults often respond better to written communication and third-party interaction, she says. "Being able to read a letter on their own time and terms or talk with a person they look up to allows seniors to feel that they are a part of the decision-making process," Kaye says.

Also, try discussing your own mortality. Say that this situation has gotten you thinking about how much you'd like to help your family know what to do if something happened to you. Talking about how you don't want to become a burden and do want to take control while you're still mentally sound may strike a chord with your mother.

If, despite these efforts, Mom refuses to respond, turn your energies toward research. Books and websites, such as the American Heart Association's new americanheart.org/caregiver, can help you explore your options and find ways to keep yourself healthy during this difficult time.