Issue Date: January 21, 2007
More gifts for a runaway bride?
What to do when your gal pal invites you to the latest in her string of engagement parties
My sister is about to have her fourth engagement party. I love her a lot, but to be honest, I'm tired of giving her gifts for all her weddings (none of which, by the way, ever materialized). Plus, I'm broke! My question is, can I forgo a gift without making her feel like I don't support new love No. 4?
B.T., Ohio
I spoke with several wedding etiquette experts and found that there currently is no set-in-stone standard about giving gifts for a fourth engagement, so you are free to decide based on personal circumstances instead of predetermined protocol. But considering that the "runaway bride" phenomenon isn't new, perhaps it's time to add some new thoughts to the old rules of engagement parties.
Here's how I see it: If your sister received more than one engagement gift from you (and from others in her circle of friends and family) that she never returned despite her nuptial nixing, then she absolutely should not expect any of you to ante up for yet another pre-wedding present.
But, if she did return every previous gift, then try to treat this engagement party with as much new-start enthusiasm as you can muster.
Either way, if you just can't afford to give another gift this time, then be honest about your situation. But don't hesitate to show your support in other ways. Your best bet: Let her know that you believe in this relationship by telling her you're saving your pennies for the wedding gift. Follow that by offering to help her with party plans. Trust me: Deep down, your sister probably is very aware of what other people are thinking. Your offer will be the most touching engagement gift she receives.
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