Issue Date: February 18, 2007
Book club invader
By Dennie Hughes
I usually enjoy my husband's sense of humor, but to others it can seem a little weird. To make a long story short, I invited my book club (a co-ed group of friends and co-workers) to meet at my home, and, well, he embarrassed me to death. He thought he was a hit, and now he wants to join the group. How do I tell him, "No way"?
T.H., Okla.
Your husband's sense of humor may not be as weird as you think.
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Of course, you could simply tell him the truth, but then you risk hurting his feelings and feeling lousy about it. Or, you could make up an elaborate story that new members must be voted in and not everyone is on board.
But I think you need to rethink the situation. After all, your husband went all out to meet and entertain your friends. Could it be that it's his way of telling you he wants to spend more time with you? You say you usually enjoy your husband's offbeat sense of humor. Isn't it possible that some of your other fellow clubbers -- people you have things in common with -- may have found him funny, too? You could be missing an opportunity to have a hobby you both can enjoy together.
Approach this situation with an open mind. Tell him you love that he's taking an interest in your interests, but be sure he understands that joining the club means replacing comedy routines with reading and critiquing the book of the moment. Invite your husband to attend another meeting to see if he's still excited about it. Trust me: If all he is looking for is a captive audience, he will change his mind on his own -- and you can feel good that you didn't have to lie to him or make him feel unwanted to make that happen.
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