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Curfew considerations

Can you give me fair but smart guidelines when it comes to setting curfews for teens? My kids are 17 and 14.
R.C., New Jersey

Although age definitely comes into play when setting curfews, it shouldn't be the only factor in your decision. Dayna Jornsay-Hester, coordinator of Community Education at the Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh, says your child's level of maturity, the activity and whether it's a school night also should be included in your curfew considerations. And parents should think about their own schedules, as well. Waiting up when you need to get to bed for work in the morning can take its toll.

In addition, do a little research to help you make your decision easier. Talk to the parents of your child's friends. Uniting on a curfew time can cut down on whine time. Be aware of curfew laws in your town for teens.

Also, reward your child for sticking to curfews by giving incentives -- extra time for a special party, for example. On the flip side, take away time if she doesn't obey you.

And set rules about calling in, checking with you if there is a change in venue and calling well before curfew if she wants to ask to stay out longer.

You need to know that no matter how much thought you put into this, from a teenager's perspective, parents are never, ever fair. The nature of adolescence is that teens will push the boundaries you set. But remember that giving them limits is the best thing you can do.