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Issue Date: April 29, 2007
Etiquette
Earning respect
One library's quest for silence highlights a bigger problem.
By Peggy Post
You can show young people why manners matter.
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A few months ago, a library in Maplewood, N.J., made national headlines when it decided to shut its doors in the afternoon rather than admit unruly middle schoolers who were taxing the patience of both staff and patrons. Before taking the drastic step, the library had tried a variety of interventions that failed, such as adopting a behavior policy, hiring after-school monitors and contacting parents. The public outcry that followed the library's announcement encouraged dialogue that yielded surprisingly positive results: The town's mayor directed $220,000 to expand free after-school programs for young people. And the library remains open.
The solution came about by granting respect -- an underlying principle of etiquette. It all boils down to showing respect for, say, a 12-year-old's need to be somewhere that's safe and social after school, and respect for people who expect a library to be a quiet place where they can think, write, dream or escape.
Young people learn from adults how to behave. Every interaction they witness between you and another person registers -- the way you treat teachers, coaches, colleagues, cashiers and other people. If your public demeanor is rude, expect the same attitude from your children. If it's respectful, your children will demonstrate respect.
Peggy Post's latest book is "Excuse Me, But I Was Next ..." (Collins, $19.95).
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