Issue Date: November 4, 2007
Loony pet questions
Our intrepid columnist unleashes on why a cow thinks it's a dog, the legal status of ferrets and other animal quandaries.
By Steve Dale
Between my syndicated newspaper column, TV appearances and radio shows, I'm giving pet advice all the time. Usually, I'm answering standard pet care questions, but sometimes I get whoppers, like these:
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Q: I have the largest dog in the world -- she weighs 1,200 pounds. Her name is Flossie, and she's actually a cow. We got her when she was 2 or 3 weeks old. I let this little calf live in the backyard with the dogs, and soon she started to act like one. She has learned to run and play chase. She even carries firewood and dog toys in her mouth. What do we do with Flossie? Does she have an identity crisis?
A: I bet Flossie is one happy cow, so I wouldn't call it an identity crisis. But there's certainly identity confusion going on. There's a scientific phenomenon called imprinting that was first discovered by ethologist Konrad Lorenz. Baby geese imprinted to him during their critical period of socialization, just as Flossie imprinted to the dogs when she was young. That's the same phenomenon that was going on when baby ducks were kept as pets, and they followed people around.
De-imprinting is sometimes possible, but it's difficult. I once volunteered in Borneo, attempting to teach orphaned orangutans imprinted to people to be orangutans so they could be introduced to the forest to live. No such need for Flossie. She's fine, and there's no harm in her thinking she's a dog.
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Q: I have an out-of-control 9-month-old puppy. He disobeys me. He runs around like crazy when I come home from work, and he jumps on me. Max jumps up on the sofa when I'm watching a ball game, and more and more often, I catch him lying on the sofa. Clearly, he wants to be the dominant male in our house. What do I do?
A: Max may not be disobeying you as much as he simply doesn't understand the rules.
I'd worry if your pup wasn't running around when you got home. That's one reason why people get dogs -- they love that someone is always unconditionally happy to see them. When jumping up, Max isn't attempting to dominate -- he wants to say "hi." Just turn your back, and keep doing that until he calms down. Then offer attention, which is all he wants. In time, Max will learn that if he jumps up on you, you won't greet him.
You like being on the sofa because it's a cushy place to stretch out. Why should Max feel any differently? This also has nothing to do with Max being the dominant male; it's all about comfort. If you don't want him on the sofa, place oversize pillows on it when you depart. That way he can't snooze there when you're not around. And when you're home, everyone should consistently keep him off it. Another option: Allow Max on the couch only when you decide he can be up there. Whatever you decide, be consistent.
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Q: I can't believe it: I've heard that feeding my cat milk is bad!
A: In fact, it's really bad to feed your cat milk if that's all the nutrition your cat is getting. For me, manufactured cat food is the best thing to feed my kitty, although others swear by homemade or raw food.
As an occasional treat, milk is just fine, as long as the cat can tolerate it. After kittens are weaned, their level of lactase (the enzyme that helps with lactose digestion) falls off dramatically. As a result, lots of adult cats are lactose-intolerant. A tablespoon of plain yogurt might be a better choice for a treat.
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Q: I just moved to California and didn't know that ferrets are illegal here. I have to pretend I don't have ferrets and can't even take them outside. What's the deal?
A: I think it's crazy, too. Some are worried that ferrets, over time, would get outdoors and form wild colonies, like cats who get outside sometimes do. Then, to survive, the former pet ferrets would become savage and indulge in meals of endangered waterfowl. However, domestic ferrets who get lost typically starve to death. And the overwhelming majority of pet ferrets are purchased spayed or neutered, so it's impossible for any who might live long enough to be able to find a partner and procreate.
Hawaii and California are the only states that ban ferrets. Yet no state currently has a problem with marauding colonies of feral ferrets.
I think the law banning ferrets is ridiculous, and I once proposed a solution to guarantee that any ferrets who get out won't cause a problem: Mandate spaying/neutering (as I said before, they are usually altered anyway), rabies vaccines and microchipping (so that animal control will know who the careless owners are who repeatedly misplace their pet ferrets).
Steve Dale last wrote about why we love puppies.
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