Issue Date: November 11 , 2007
Men or women: Who does it best?
Q: Who is better at relationships, men or women? R.T., Florida
A: I bet all of you are expecting me to say "women," right? Sorry. I have been doing this relationship stuff for more than a decade, and I can sincerely say I've encountered lots of guys who really have their relationship acts together, as well as women who can't get a handle on how to make a partnership work.
That said, there isn't a clear winner in the "who's better" battle of the sexes. The real question is why men and women in this country, with its double-digit divorce rate, aren't better at it.
A key element that consistently crops up is the ability to communicate -- in each other's language. When it comes to relationships, women have a "preventive" nature, says Karen Gail Lewis, a marriage and family therapist: They want to stave off problems. Men, on the other hand, approach relationships with an "if it ain't completely broke, then don't fix it" mentality.
Usually, Lewis says, "It's the women who suggest counseling to keep a marriage intact.
Men come to therapy only when the ultimatum comes up or she walks out." The ABCs of men vs. women
Listening with a bit of gender-loving care will make you both better at relationships. Some hints:
A. Men speak when they have something specific to say. Women talk as a way of becoming closer.
B. Men talk about personal problems in general terms. Women prefer nitty-gritty details.
C. Men don't know what you want until you tell them. Women think that if a man truly cares, he shouldn't have to ask what she wants.
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