Issue Date: December 9, 2007
Single moms need support network
By Dennie Hughes
Q: I am a financially sound 38-year-old woman who is tired of dating losers and wants to have a baby. My family insists that a child needs both parents, but from what I can see, plenty of single moms do just fine. If I have great male role models in my life, how important is it to have a father at home?
M.U., Massachusetts
A: You're right. A lot of single moms do a great job raising their children. But here are the facts: Long-term studies have shown that a child who is raised without a positive father figure in the home often starts life at a disadvantage. Also, says Jeffery M. Leving, chairman of the Illinois Council on Responsible Fatherhood, the likelihood that fatherless children will drop out of school and get involved with drugs or victimization situations cuts across the spectrums of sex, age, race and family income.
Overcoming such odds is possible. However, "you'll need a strong support network that includes caring, kind and thoughtful men who are willing to take part in raising the child," Leving says.
Your question makes me wonder: If your family isn't happy about your decision, who can you count on to be your support system in difficult times? Also, you say you've dated "losers." Have you tried to figure out your role in attracting and choosing such men? Remember, anyone you bring into your life comes into your child's life, too.
Before you take on such an awesome responsibility, take a timeout to make sure you're mentally, emotionally and, yes, financially ready. Speak with a family counselor, and contact single-parent groups (singleparentsnetwork.com is just one) to get as much information as possible. The more you know, the better prepared you'll be to be a parent.
Send questions to Contributing Editor Dennie Hughes at usaweekend.com.
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