Issue Date: February 17, 2008
Find ways to share time together
My fiancé just got a new job with a schedule totally different from mine. I work 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and have weekends off; he works 2 a.m. to noon, including on weekends. Plus, I'm a morning person and he's a night owl. How can we adapt to get our marriage off to a great start?
G.W., Florida
A: Start by deciding what quality time together means to each of you. A romantic dinner? An evening out? Great sex? Being very clear about what ideas rate as your top ways to feel close can help you structure your time.
Next, break down the time you do have into smaller, more manageable chunks. You have weekends off, so how about staying up late on a Friday or Saturday twice a month to accommodate his night-owl persona? Perhaps he can meet you for lunch or dinner occasionally during the week. Treat these small periods of time as moments that help meet your most important needs.
Finally, find creative ways to stay on each other's mind when you are apart: Put sweet notes in each other's bags; use a camcorder to make fun "welcome home" recordings for viewing after work; leave "I love you" voice mails.
Being able to tackle a problem is a skill you'll use throughout your relationship. And creating ways to show your appreciation for each other will keep you both as madly in love 10 years from now as you are today.
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