Issue Date: March 2, 2008
Be open about cancer
I am a 30-year-old breast-cancer survivor. I'll have reconstruction surgery soon, but for now, I have silicone implants. How soon and how much should I tell guys I date about this personal issue?
C.O., New Jersey
A: My initial reaction is, first of all, make sure the guy is worth pursuing. Then, tell him only that you beat breast cancer, and discuss with him any concerns you might have about getting physical.
But that advice went right out the window after I spoke with several young survivors who have done battle in the dating trenches.
Cathy Bueti, 38, author of "Breastless in the City," was diagnosed at 31. She recalls how hard it was to start dating again when her boyfriend of two months dumped her after her surgery. At first, "I made some really bad choices, staying in horrible relationships because I figured, 'Hey, he doesn't mind that I have cancer.'" She began blurting it out in a joking manner right off the bat. The less she hid the truth, the better she felt.
Beth Silverman, 30, of Hicksville, N.Y., also cites the benefits of honesty and humor. Diagnosed at 26, she realized that the men she told seemed to get past it quickly if she was open and confident about it. "It's like cellulite or a flabby stomach -- if you're OK with it, men will follow your lead."
Being direct, staying light and remaining confident in who you are (you're a warrior!) is a great approach to any dating situation. Do what is comfortable, and don't settle just to settle down.
Send questions to Contributing Editor Dennie Hughes at usaweekend.com.
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