Issue Date: April 13, 2008
Custody for dads?
I am a divorced father of a 10-year-old son. My ex-wife was awarded custody even though I work fewer hours and make more money. Now I only see him on the weekends. How is it, in this day and age, that the scales still tip in favor of the mother?
J.G., New York
You're right: On average, 80% of mothers are awarded full custody.
So what's a dad like you to do? Former divorce attorney Stacy Schneider, author of "He Had It Coming," says it's all about proving just how active you are in the caregiving role. The good news for dads: The newest trend, especially in your state, New York, is that fathers have an equal shot at getting custody if there's proof that throughout the relationship, both parents spent equal amounts of time taking care of the child. And, she notes, "the number of single fathers raising children increased approximately 25% between 1995 and 2003."
In custody cases, judges focus on parenting history, time available to devote to raising the child and household stability. (Money is only a factor in child-support rulings.)
A dad who wants to up his chance of getting joint or full-time custody should offer witnesses who can attest to his involvement in the child's life (school functions, doctor visits, etc.). He also should only disparage his ex-wife's parenting abilities when (as in the case of Kevin Federline and Britney Spears) it's truly warranted. Showing that you can get along for the sake of your child goes a long way with judges.
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