Issue Date: May 18, 2008
What women want
I'm a 30-year-old guy who has started dating again after ending an eight-year relationship that began in college. Times -- and women -- have changed. What do women really want these days?
D.B., Wisconsin
The bottom line: Today's women won't settle just to settle down.
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To find out the answer, I explored the most recent relationship research. The Engage.com singles site, for example, indicates that women regard old-fashioned manners as the biggest must-have on a first date; 77.9% want a guy to at least hold the door for them. Pepper Schwartz, a sociology professor at the University of Washington in Seattle, says a guy is likely to make the grade if a woman finds he is of similar intelligence, has a sense of humor and generosity of spirit, and, "even if it's a lame attempt, shows he's trying to be romantic." Psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, author of "The Secrets of Happily Married Women," says it's all about a guy listening and remembering personal things such as significant dates or food allergies.
Having a sense of humor, being attentive and kind and making her feel like she's the most important person in the world ... what a woman wants probably hasn't changed much since your dating days.
What has changed is that women today are less willing to let a guy run the show. Many are financially independent and more apt to value a big heart over a fat wallet. (True.com found that fewer than 10% of its female members list income as a key criterion in the search for a mate.)
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