Issue Date: June 1, 2008

My life as a part-time stay-at-home dad

It's not your usual Father's Day story. Meet a man whose mornings mean playgrounds and princess parties.

By Bryan Tucker

It was 9:15 a.m., and I was holding hands with several 2-year-olds in my daughter's pre-nursery school class. As we marched around in a circle singing "chug, chug, the choo-choo train," I caught a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror. I thought, "Wow -- when did I become so darn masculine?"

In my 2-year-old's classroom, I'm the only dad. Most of the time, I'm the only man in the whole building except for two maintenance guys who come in afterward to clean up colored tissue paper and apple juice. All the kids in the class are accompanied by their moms or female baby-sitters. I'm the only grown-up who doesn't have to put his stuff down on the "purse table" at the beginning of class.

I'm not exactly a stay-at-home dad. I have a job, but it doesn't start until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. So I have all morning to be with my two daughters and do parenting things, like get them dressed, go grocery shopping or attend a "Mommy and Me" ballet class (sans Mommy). Occasionally another father will show up in these classes. Usually this dad is wearing a starched shirt and tie, letting everyone know loud and clear that this is just a temporary stop on his way to the office -- not some kind of aberrant phenomenon that's bound to damage nature's delicate order. At first, he'll sit there bewildered, not sure why everyone is so fascinated with glue. But he eventually loosens up and even participates in the activities, from snack time to the popular "run around and pop bubbles while music plays." But for him, it's a vacation, a brief look at Mom's day before he goes back to stocks and spreadsheets. For me, it's Tuesday.

You would think that so many years after "ERA Yes," there would be lots of stay-at-home dads out there. But I don't see too many. In my neighborhood, the most visible byproduct of gender equality seems to be that both parents now work instead of just one. So, I find myself the lone man at the playground, always making sure I loudly interact with my kids so no one will think I'm some weirdo who likes to hang around playgrounds.

I'm completely aware I'm one of the lucky ones. Most dads would love to spend so much time with their kids, and I certainly have fun. But I'm not exactly doing manly things. My daughters are not tomboys. Our mornings are not spent throwing the football and looking at bugs. Instead, a good day for them involves putting on pink ball gowns and having a heated discussion about who is the prettiest Disney princess. One daughter argues passionately for Cinderella while the other makes a persuasive case for Ariel by screaming and throwing plastic tea cups. (Let's get real about this: Everyone knows it's Belle from "Beauty and the Beast." Right?)

Sometimes I'll get so into girl play that I forget I'm a grown-up. We'll have a visitor come over to our place, and only after I've answered the door will I discover that I have a pink barrette in my hair and I'm covered with Dora the Explorer stickers. The UPS guy doesn't seem as embarrassed about it as I am.

My wife has a 9-to-5 job, but she always fits into Toddler World a little better simply because she's a mom. Moms are the creators and keepers of Toddler World, so they have a natural ease while in it. Sometimes we'll both attend school events with other parents. Right away, the moms will cluster together, chatting away like old friends. The dads will stand at a cautious distance, nursing their punch, occasionally bringing up whatever is happening in the world of sports. We'll give each other a quiet nod and try to appear as comfortable as we possibly can while sitting in a tiny chair that makes us look like we're squatting.

I may not fit perfectly into my daughters' surroundings, but that doesn't mean I'm not encouraged to be a part of them. People are glad to see stay-at-home dads. I'm always warmly welcomed at play groups and birthday parties. Teachers go out of their way to be friendly. Last week, I was even given a flier at the end of class. It announced that next week was "A Special Day for Dads!" All fathers were invited to "let Mom have the day off" and take their children to class by themselves for a day of "fun and learning." It sounds nice. I'll have to mention it to myself.

Bryan Tucker is a writer for "Saturday Night Live" and a frequent contributor to USA WEEKEND. He last wrote about Red Sox Nation.