Issue Date: June 15, 2008
Nip, tuck for Mom?
For my 40th birthday, I've decided to get some minor "work" done - a little bit of something injectable in my face and a breast lift (after three kids, gravity has not been kind!). I thought my husband would be thrilled to get a newer, younger wife. Why is he making me feel like I'm betraying him and our family?
C.W., Nevada
It's normal for many women to consider cosmetic "enhancements" because they think their husbands have lost interest or friends their age are looking fabulous after some nipping and tucking. Unfortunately, says Los Angeles-based psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser, many men see the move as a rejection of them and the relationship. "He wonders about his ability to make you feel happy and beautiful and thinks your needing a new look is also about needing a new man," she says.
Financial issues also may be a concern. A Botox treatment, for example, costs about $400 and doesn't last more than two to six months; a breast lift costs thousands more. You may end up draining family savings. And surgery has risks. It's unlikely, but your kids could lose their mom - more reason for your husband's negative attitude.
If what motivates you is unhappiness in your life or marriage, changing how you look is not going to improve that. It might even make things worse. It's your body and your choice. But maybe the money would be better spent on some counseling to help you figure out what you really hope to get from cosmetic surgery.
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