Issue Date: June 29, 2008
Skip the divorce party
Lately, I've been invited to several divorce parties, which include things like "hack the ex-husband" dolls. What are your thoughts on these celebrations?
A.R., Ohio
Celebrate your future instead of bashing your past.
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I must admit I'm not a huge fan of the idea of celebrating the death of a marriage.
Neither is relationship expert Scott Kudia, author of "If This Is Love, Why Am I Unhappy?" He says that being resentful, mocking the marriage and bashing the ex may make someone feel better temporarily, but, in the long run, this won't help and can certainly hurt if kids are involved. Seeing Mom or Dad celebrate such a major trauma could make a difficult situation even worse for them, Kudia says.
But having a party that focuses on all the wonderful relationships the divorced person still has can be therapeutic and can help reconnect him or her with much-needed friends. If it's a positive "coming out" event, it may be worthwhile. Just be sure the children are left out of it and that it takes place when the person is ready to move forward.
An even better suggestion for the newly divorced: Come up with a ritual to help make peace with the past and look forward to the future. Perhaps sell your ring and give the proceeds to charity, or have a "take back my name" event with friends and family members. Marking this new phase of your life in a positive way will help put you on the road to find new love, rather than make war.
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