Issue Date: July 6, 2008
It's groom's day, too
My wedding is in September, and I really want to have a voice in the planning. At first, my fiancée agreed, but now, she and her mom are so caught up in "her" day that I am left out of everything. How can I get more involved without looking like a bully, or worse, a weirdo?
J.S., South Carolina
Guys: If you want to help plan your wedding, do your homework.
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A: If anyone is showing bully tendencies, it's your future mother-in-law! With most couples getting married at an older age and paying for their own weddings, both the bride and groom want to give their input on how the money is spent, says Rebecca Dolgin of TheKnot.com.
That said, a warning: Wedding planning can bring out the worst in people. If you want to have a say, be prepared.
First, know where your input will count -- i.e., the food, the music, the honeymoon. Next, be sure that you can truly invest time and attention to the task you ask for. Show how serious you are by researching what's out there. And, finally, when you approach your bride-to-be, don't stress her out with a lot of monster-in-law whining. Stay positive, as in, "I really want our wedding day to be the most important day of our lives together, and it would mean so much to me to be more involved."
If she's the right one for you, a reminder that the wedding needs to reflect what your marriage should be -- partnership, compromise, not taking each other for granted -- will work.
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