Issue Date: August 24, 2008
Belly boundaries
My boss insists on holding or rubbing my pregnant belly every time she passes by my desk or runs into me in the hall. I've been patient because I know she has been trying to have a baby and can't help herself, but enough is enough. How do I make this stop without offending her?
T.S., New Jersey
Ah, high-maintenance acquaintances: You have no real relationship with them, but they treat every interaction as a contact sport. They insist on kissing hello and goodbye, force high-fives and fist-pounds to makea point, and they even overstep and touch a pregnant woman's belly.
I'm actually glad for these kinds of people. I was raised by parents who preached that absolutely no physical affection was acceptable outside of immediate family and found it hard to let others express themselves in that way. As much as I was taken aback by "big hugs" greetings and farewells, I learned how nice it was to allow positive, friendly contact.
The good news here is that you're not worried about losing your job, just hurting your employer's feelings, so you'll be able to take action. My favorite technique to call someone on a personal offense? Enlist him or her on a covert defense.
That is, tell her "in confidence" that you are a little uncomfortable about people, particularly co-workers, wanting to rub your belly. Discuss how it seems people don't understand about personal space boundaries in the workplace. Ask her advice on what you can do. She'll be happy you confided in her and sought out her opinion. She'll also be more conscious of keeping her hands to herself.
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