More RelationTIPS Ask columnist Dennie Hughes your question

Forgive dying mom?

I had a terrible childhood, and as a result, I haven't spoken to my parents since I left home at 18. Recently, my sister called to tell me my mom was dying and wanted to see me. Despite my sister begging me, I just don't want to go. Am I wrong for not wanting to forgive?

-- F.E., Nevada

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to make a death-bed appearance if you think it will be too painful for you. What's healthy: your ability to question and explore that decision to make sure you can live with it.

Start by not letting your sibling guilt you into the visit.

Then, examine your reasons for not being able to forgive your mother. Consider that many people who have children are just not emotionally equipped for the job, for reasons that may have to do with their own upbringing. They may only give as good as they got. Perhaps trying to understand your mother's childhood can help you feel more compassionate toward her. Although she never did right by you, maybe she never intentionally did wrong.

Finally, think about how you might feel in the future. What if there comes a time when you wish you had said goodbye or at least opened up a dialogue for a much-needed acknowledgement of your pain and an apology? Experts agree: People often pay a price health-wise for not letting go of anger and resentment.

Whatever you decide, let me congratulate you on being open enough to consider your options.