Issue Date: November 2, 2008
When one sees red over the other seeing blue
How to make political peace at home over Tuesday's election
No doubt: This pressure-filled presidential election has created tension in many of America's couples. When one is red (in the face) and the other's blue (about all the arguing), you may be wondering how Tuesday's election will affect not just the future of the country, but also your relationship.
No matter who wins Tuesday, be gracious.
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Judging from reader letters I've received recently, "agree to disagree" no longer seems possible. Some are getting snarky ("How did I marry such an uninformed idiot?"), and partners who could always finish each other's sentences are barely speaking.
Why is choosing a candidate such a source of conflict? Beyond the fact that a lot is at stake, politicians are like "player"-daters: While they are courting you, they say all the right things to win you over. Candidates' lines are carefully crafted to target specific groups and to inspire passion. If you are one of those targeted people and your loved one isn't, it's natural to get defensive.
Also, men and women are hard-wired to both speak and hear differently. Although both sexes may have similar concerns, men generally hear the immediate action words, and women tend to tune into talk about the future. As a result, women and men can perceive the same candidate differently, based simply on their communication style.
Finally, the reality that there are no do-overs -- you get one vote -- makes it especially easy to get aggravated and confused when each day is rife with new issues, charges and countercharges.
Here are some strategies to get your relationship back on track:
Comment with kindness. Treat your political differences like any disagreement, and avoid making a point with a personal put-down. If you find yourself about to blow, say so, and let the topic go for a while.
Take a news break. Voting is important, but the person you already said "I do" to is more important. If you know that the discussion will get heated, then avoid the topic during meals and bedtime -- when you're supposed to be reconnecting.
Be a gracious, respectful winner ... and loser. That way, long after the fight for the White House is over, you two will keep the peace in your own home.
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